All I Said Was No

Have you ever been there for someone with their countless requests, yet the first time you said no they acted as if you were the world’s most horrible friend?  Oftentimes, people act funny when you say no, especially if they are used to you saying yes.  Sometimes however, it is necessary to say no.

Beyoncé spoke of this issue perfectly in her song “Yes” on her Dangerously in Love Album.  In that song, she spoke about how in all the times she said yes to the various requests of her significant other, the first time she said no, it was like she never said yes.  Listen, you can do one thousand great deeds for someone, always being there if they need a helping hand, assisting them or their children with school fundraisers, volunteering your time, and so on. However, the one time you cannot or will not participate in something or assist them in some way, they have a fit, and all of the sudden you become a ‘bad’ friend. 

You always say yes to each of their requests and do so with a smile on your face.  You tend to drop whatever you are doing when they call to support them in some way be it emotionally or physically, including providing monetary assistance at times, all while putting gas in your car and adding to its wear and tear.  This time however, you simply may not be able to do something because you do not have the funds, which quite honestly is none of their business, or you just decided that you did not want to participate this time. 

Either way, you do not owe them any explanation.  Sometimes, you may even decide to no longer support them because you realized that you are always doing for this person, yet they never support you, or even check to see if there is anything you may need, and so on.  While they may say thank you and appear to be appreciative, when you say no, it is like World War III, and they act as if they are completely caught off guard. 

The one time you say no, you may hear things such as “you never do anything for me,” or “you always say no when I ask you to do anything.”  For me, when that happened, all I could do in the moment was glare at them in an attempt to determine if they were serious or not, and as it turns out, they were very serious.  Finally, I said to this person, “I have always been there for you and said yes to all of your requests, but since you feel that way, fine.  It is going to be ‘no’ from here on out because how dare you say this to me given all of the moments that I have supported you and have been there for you.”

Unsurprisingly, they tried to argue back and give their view, but at that point, I was done, and did not want to hear anything else.  Since I was now viewed as a horrible friend who was “never there for them,” I stopped from that moment forward, and they knew to not ask me ever again to participate in anything else they had going on.  A person that reacts to you saying no is quite possibly an extremely narcissistic, toxic person, and at that point, you must make a decision.  For me, my peace and sanity were worth much more than being forced to always say yes.  In the end, I learned a valuable lesson; they were never a true friend.  Do not be afraid to say no.