Losing Yourself
He had all of the qualities that she was looking for. At least, that is what she thought. She was looking for a man that was loyal, faithful, funny, charismatic, and one who genuinely loved her. But little did she know that this man was about to take her down a rabbit hole with no way out, and that life as she knew it, would never be the same. She would be led into the abyss of narcissism, never to make it out. Or would she? With help along with way from friends and family and her sheer determination to reestablish herself, she decides to fight back. She lost herself along the way, until one day, she set an intention to get back everything that she had worked so hard for. Everything that belonged to her. This is the story of you. Of me. Of us.
Many women (and sometimes men, but for the purpose of this article, we will focus on women), meet partners who turn their lives upside down; some in a good way, and some not so good. Partners that have led them down a rabbit hole to do things that they would have never imagined possible for themselves; shady, sneaky, irreprehensible things that are out of their character. They look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the face starting back at them anymore. They have shifted so much into this other being to satisfy their partner, that they lose all sense of self in the name of love. Or at least, what they think is love.
Oftentimes, we get so caught up in our relationships that we become a person that we do not recognize, doing things that we know we should not do, which puts us further down the rabbit hole. I sometimes tune into the show For My Man on the TV One network, and I am just baffled and shocked at some of these stories, which are re-enactments of actual events. As the introduction for the show says it is about “women committing heinous crimes in the name of love.” The lengths that many of these women go, in the name of what they think is love, is unfathomable, from committing multiple crimes, including murder, and even going on the run with their men.
Then, not surprisingly, when their crime spree comes to an end and they get caught, oftentimes, this man that they allowed to take them down this rabbit hole of destruction and crime, will turn against them. In one episode in particular, a man, who was a bank robber, manipulated his woman into helping him. Of course, when things hit the fan and they were caught and questioned, he claimed to not even know who she was, blaming everything on her. All I could do was shake my head.
Never lose yourself to please someone else. Be you, and be you authentically. It is much easier to be you and continue being you, than it is to keep up a façade year after year. In fact, it can get exhausting, and when you turn back into who you really are, your partner will say that you changed. They are actually correct and incorrect at the same time. You never actually changed, but were putting on a “show” if you will to please this person instead of just being yourself to begin with. But they are correct in that you changed because you changed who you presented yourself to be to them. They do not know the real you, the actual you, because you never presented that person. You presented this whole persona because you thought that was the kind of person that they wanted, and you have kept up with it to the point where you are slowly losing who you really are.
Change can be a good thing; elevation, ascension, becoming a better person, waking up, realizing things that are happening in the world. That said, I would never encourage anyone to not change, but I will say that you should never change for someone else. If you are going to change, elevate for yourself. I started my spiritual journey about seven years ago, and I am not the same person that I was in 2007, 2015, and so on. I was a different person, as I revealed more of the true me as I started really looking and going within. I’m even a different person now, than I was in 2021. But never for someone else. I have always remained true to who I was at that particular time in my life; the person that I was at the particular level that I was at during that time.
I have now gone beyond that level however and we continue to change every day. Our perception and perspective on things change and evolve, sometimes daily. But as I have evolved, it was never for someone else, and I would never do things to fit into someone else’s perception or idea of me and how they wanted me to be. Being your true authentic self will attract the right person into your life who is meant to be there.
