Maybe It’s You

Why is it that when you break up with someone, the first thing they think is that you are talking to or have met someone else?  They suddenly believe that you have been cheating all along and have had this other person in your back pocket.  It couldn’t possibly be them.  Rather than believing that you breaking up with them because of them, they do not take accountability and instead want to believe that there is an outside force that caused this.  Are you one of those people?

If you are, please read this carefully.  Maybe, just maybe, it’s you!  Perhaps there was a lack of support or effort, a lack of emotional intelligence or trust, unhealthy disagreements, and so on.  Or, unfortunately, perhaps it was caused due to cheating.  Breakups can happen for any number of reasons, and regardless of what happened during the relationship that ultimately led to the breakup, some people stay in denial about the role they played.

This topic made me think back to a previous relationship where this exact thing happened.  At this time, my now ex and I had been having a lot of problems, and we were not communicating properly.  We were arguing over the smallest things and as we all know those small arguments can add up.  Now before I continue, I am in no way saying that I was perfect because I was not, and I’m quite sure that some of my actions contributed to this.  However, my goal was to fix it so that we could move forward.

After months of disharmony, I suggested couples counseling or therapy to help us deal with any issues and for us to learn to communicate better with one another.  This was met with an adamant NO.  Needless to say, I was not pleased, because I felt as though he was not even willing to try to see what we could do to possibly save our relationship.  A few weeks later I brought up the idea again, only to once again be shut down.

Fast forward, things were not improving, and I got to the point where I did not want to stay any longer.  We spoke about how I was feeling, and once I told him that we should break up, his first question was whether or not I met someone else.  All I could do was stare at him.  Never had I cheated on him or given him any reason to believe I would, yet this was the first place his mind went.  Rather than looking back at himself and taking accountability for not meeting me half way in trying to salvage the relationship, his mind automatically went there since it couldn’t possibly be him. 

In some instances, it is quite possible that the other person did meet someone else.  But that is not always the case and certainly wasn’t the case with my ex and I.  Taking accountability goes a long way, because maybe, just maybe, it’s you.