Minding Your Business Is Free
Hey there you beautiful awesome being! I hope that this article finds you in good health, happiness, peace, and love. But let’s get down to the nitty gritty. I have a public service announcement of sorts. Let’s normalize minding our business, and refrain from asking a woman of a certain age, whether she is in her thirties, forties, or beyond, about childbearing. In fact, let’s refrain from asking women about childbearing in general. Questions such as “Why don’t you have any children yet?” or “When you are you going to have a baby?” There could be any number of reasons why a woman does not have a child yet, but first things first, it is none of your business.
As is the case with many women, conception of a child may be difficult, and constantly asking her over and over again when she is going to have a baby, may open wounds of sadness and depression. Or perhaps, she has conceived, but it unfortunately resulted in a miscarriage or even multiple miscarriages. This is an extremely sensitive topic for many women, and not to mention, it is quite personal.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), infertility is defined as not being able to conceive, meaning that a woman is not able to get pregnant after one year of trying. In the U.S., 19% of women ages 15 - 49 are unable to conceive after one year of trying, and about 26% of the women in this group have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. Source: https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/infertility/index.htm. Unfortunately, this is the reality for some women that want to conceive a child, and your constant questions about why they do not have children yet do not help. In fact, it could make things worse for that woman, so let’s exercise some compassion.
Additionally, a woman may not want children, and that is her right. Not everyone wants children and it does not make them a bad person. I’ve heard people say that if someone does not want to have a child that they are selfish, and so on. I wholeheartedly disagree. What is selfish is knowing that you do not want children yet bringing them into the world anyway. Many in society deem not wanting a child as unconventional, but it is important to remember that we must all make our own life choices, and not simply do things just to fit into what society dictates should happen. A woman’s life is not defined by whether or not she has children. She is still a Queen, and is an amazing person. It does not make her less than.
Perhaps another reason that a woman has not had a child yet, is that she wanted to focus on her career early on, and decided that she would try to have children later in life. Of course there are many successful business women who have children, and are excellent at managing all of it. They are go-getters and that is amazing. But for others, they may have wanted to focus on their career solely without children, and then decide to have children later, and slow down on the business part a little. Again, that is their choice. In fact, Forbes published an article back in 2020 about how millennial women are delaying having children due to their careers.
Let’s diverge a little. Let’s say that you meet someone new, whether platonic or romantic. As you are getting to know one another, it is perfectly fine to ask them if they have children. It could even be perfectly fine to ask them if they want to have children. However, if the answer is ‘no’ to either question, leave it alone. If they choose not to elaborate any further, please do not take this as an invitation to prod and ask additional questions such as why or why not. Just leave it there. If they do choose however to elaborate further, that is their choice to do so. Let them make that decision.
Pressure from friends, society, family, and others to start a family can be overwhelming and constant questions about it do not help. Let’s remember to be compassionate and kind, because you never know what someone is going through. Ultimately, every woman who does not have a child has her reasons, none of which is your business. Let’s remember that.
