Riddle Me This

Riddle me this.  Why do you continue to get upset at someone for doing something over and over even though you have told them over and over that it bothers you when they continue to do that thing over and over?  As the late great Dr. Maya Angelou once said, when people show you who they are the first time, believe them.  If your feelings truly mattered, they would not continue to do that very thing that upsets you. 

In continuing with said behavior, this person is showing you that your feelings are not that important to them so instead of constantly getting mad over and over and stressing yourself out, maybe, just maybe you need to dismiss yourself from the equation.  They are proving to you that you are just not that important to them, as they are completely aware of how you feel, yet they continue to do the very thing(s) that upsets you.

It is perfectly fine and acceptable to tell your partner for example, what you need and when certain words or behaviors upset you.  A person that truly loves you will at least take a look at their behavior or their words, and at a minimum, will make a concerted effort to stop the very thing that is upsetting you. 

The now ex-boyfriend of a former friend would always call her his “bubble butt,” because she had a large backside.  He not only did this in private, but in front of friends and family.  She expressed to him that it made her uncomfortable when he said that in front of other people because she then felt that all eyes were on her, although she did not have an issue with him saying it in private.  His response was that she was being too sensitive and that it was not a big deal.  She expressed her discontentment again, only for him to tell her that she needed to “relax.”

Rather than him acknowledging how upset she was and simply not saying “bubble butt” in front of people, he deflected and put it back on her.  Ultimately, they ended their relationship, because of other issues with compromising and not taking heed to listening and being willing to change certain things.  In this case, he became offended and mad about her calling out his behavior that upset her. 

In this case, he was being toxic and gaslighting, and instead of actually looking at his behavior and talking to her about it, he maintained this attitude of this is the way I am, take it or leave it, and had the nerve to become offended when she expressed herself.  I’m quite sure that we all know someone that is like this, or had a relationship at one point with someone that we could consider toxic.  Toxic people poison us, and do not like to be called out on their behavior, and tend to be dismissive of another’s feelings.

If you love someone enough, you should be willing to not do certain things if it upsets them, and that same compromising behavior should be reciprocated.  Ultimately, while we cannot change someone, the right person is willing to change certain things about their behavior and compromise if they feel that you are worth it.