You Must Love You First

The late great Dr. Maya Angelou once said that you cannot love someone else if you do not love yourself.  She went on to state that while you may want him or want her, you cannot say that you love them if you do not love yourself, because love liberates.  “I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me, I love you.”  It is a “very dangerous” for one to say they love someone else but do not love themselves.

I completely agree with Dr. Angelou.  Loving ourselves first is a necessary foundation for loving others, and her words serve as a powerful reminder of the importance of self-love.  A lack of self-love can lead to all sorts of things such as insecurities, deeming ourselves unworthy, thinking that we are not enough, and even an inability to connect with the one we are with.

We must have a strong sense of self-worth and self-acceptance in order to truly love someone else and have a health relationship.  When I look back on past relationships and how things happened, I can honestly say that during those times, while I thought I loved myself, I can admit that I lacked self-love in many ways.  When I consider various behavior that I put up with in past relationships for as long as I did, I can now say that it can be attributed to a lack of self-love.

During that time however, I felt that the person was my person and I would do anything to keep them.  Looking back, I now realize that a lot of that had to do with a lack of self-love, and although I cared for them, I probably did not actually love them in the way that I thought I did.  Some of this was likely due to co-dependency and familiarity as well.  Self-love is recognizing our worth and setting and enforcing boundaries that are not to be crossed, and if they are, we are not afraid to leave a situation.

When we love ourselves first, we are better equipped to love others genuinely and from our heart.  Not from a place of desperation or other unhealthy means.  Always remember that self-love is yours and yours alone.  Regardless of how someone else feels about you, you must develop a strong sense of self and acceptance of who you are and embrace all that is you.  You must love yourself first before you can truly love someone else.