Call Them Out

Let’s talk about holding our friends accountable.  When our friends are happy, sad, angry, and so on, we tend to take on that same emotion and empathize with whatever is going on.  We listen as they relay a story about how someone betrayed them, or what someone did to them, but sometimes in their story, they take no accountability for how things turned out.  Everything is always the fault of someone else and they do not like to take accountability for what they did. 

This reminds me of the story of a now ex-friend whose boyfriend at the time was cheating on her.  One bright Saturday afternoon while relaxing at home, I received a frantic phone call from my friend.  She was completely distraught.  Sitting straight up in my bed, I immediately became worried as she sobbed on the other end of the phone.  I thought that something happened to one of her loved ones.  For the first five minutes or so, I attempted to calm her down so that I could understand what was happening.

Through labored breathes and snotty sobs, she finally said the words, “I can’t believe he has been cheating on me,” as she proceeded to cry harder.  Once she calmed down, all I could muster up was “Oh no.  I’m so sorry.”  But in that moment, I did not feel any sympathy for her, and I know that sounds cruel, so let me explain. 

The year prior she had been seeing a different guy on and off that she knew had a girlfriend.  I told her that what she was doing was not right, and asked her how would she feel if her boyfriend was not only cheating, but was also cheating with someone that knew of her.  It’s one thing if you are with someone and you have no idea that they are involved with someone else, but it is a totally different thing when you help someone cheat since you know they are involved with someone yet you continue to see them. 

She had the audacity to rationalize it by saying that she did not owe that woman any loyalty.  While that is true, I told her that karma would come around one day and bite her in the behind, as she is taking part in helping someone to be deceived.  She ignored all my warnings and continued doing what she wanted to do.

In between her sobs, I could tell that she wanted me to say more, but I honestly could not think of anything else to say other than to ask her how she find out.  She shared the story of how she was going to his house to surprise him and as she got closer, she saw him at a car next to his, kissing a woman passionately, before the woman hopped in her car.  Once the woman backs up, she speeds to the parking space to try to catch him before he went back inside, but he apparently saw her and ran back into his place and would not open the door.  After trying for several more minutes, she went back to her car and started crying and then called me.

I asked if she knew who the woman was and it was a “friend” that he introduced to her previously, that knew she and him were dating.  I must have said hmmm at that point since she asked me, why I said hmmm.  I tried to ignore it and said oh nothing, but she pushed and said if I had something to say I should say it, to which I obliged. 

I very candidly told her that I was sorry that I could not feel much sympathy for her considering what happened the year prior.  She briefly stopped her sobbing for a moment to tell me that I was a horrible friend and that this was a different situation.  I explained to her that this is no different at all.  Karma has come around.  Yes, your boyfriend was wrong for what he did, and I’m not excusing his behavior, but what made you think that you could do this to another woman, yet think it would not be done back to you at some point?  What made you think you were exempt? 

After yelling a few more profanities, she hung up on me.  We did not talk for almost two years until one day she reached out to me.  She had met another guy who she ended up marrying.  I attended her baby shower, but the relationship was really never the same, and as life continued to go on, our friendship ultimately faded away but I wish her and her family nothing but the best. 

Sometimes, whether they like it or not, we have to call our friends out on their BS, and we have to expect to be called out on our BS as well, if we do not take accountability for our actions.  By the way, click here to check out my previous article entitled “Karma.”