Compliment or Shade?

We all know at least one person who “compliments” or “congratulates” someone while at the same time, reminding them of their past and their past discretions.  You know that person that says something to the effect of, “I’m so proud of you!  Congrats on your success!  But I remember when you did XYZ.”  What is the point of reminding someone of how they used to be? 

When one “congratulates” someone in this way, it begs the question of whether or not they are actually happy for the person, or if they harbor some kind of animosity, seeing how successful the other person is now, knowing how they started off in life.  Sometimes, people start off in the wrong direction in life, or at some point take a wrong turn, and then turn their life around.  Unfortunately, regardless of how much they have turned their life around, some people like to keep reminding them of who they used to be.  Listen, just congratulate, compliment, and keep it moving. 

This is a much better approach than reminding them of specific things they may have done in the past.  Now of course if the person chooses to focus on specific things from their past when discussing their current success and things they use to do, that’s they bringing it up, not you.  Perhaps for them, reflecting on their past could serve as a powerful motivator for them to keep going, and remind them of all that they have overcome and the progress they have made.

Even if you chose to acknowledge one’s past when congratulating them, specifics do not need to be shared, especially depending on what those specifics were.  There is nothing wrong with saying to someone “I’m so proud of you.  You have come a long way, and I wish you nothing but continued success.”  This way, you are acknowledging that they have come far, without throwing things in their face. 

Focusing on specific, perhaps unsavory things from one’s past when congratulating them could create unnecessary sadness or even hinder them from staying focused on their current goals and achievements.  It could also potentially lead to self-doubt, which could undermine what they have accomplished.  Ultimately, stop sliding in shady details when congratulating someone.  You can help someone stay motivated for success without constantly reminding them of their past.