Relationship Rules?

Societal rules for relationships.  You should do A and not B.  You should not do X, but instead you should do Y.  You need to be together for “this” number of years before moving onto “that.”  Yeah, I know.  I sighed as well.  Stop telling people how to run their relationships.  Their relationship is their own and only those two people can dictate what happens in said relationship.  Only they can determine what is the appropriate amount of time to do anything before going to the next level, whatever that level means for them. 

In my blog post entitled “What’s Your Style?”, which you can read by clicking here, I asked who or what determines what is stylish or fashionable.  Is it based on what society dictates as the latest trend centered on what the celebrity of the moment wore to the Oscars or the Grammys?  We cannot be so arrogant and narrow-minded to believe that there is only one way to be stylish or fashionable.  Similarly, we cannot be so egotistical to believe that all relationships should follow a specific pattern or set of rules.  Also be sure to check out Podcast Episode #2 here entitled, “Being Authentically You.”

Far too often, we let society dictate so many aspects of our life to our detriment, including our relationships.  That must stop.  We are free thinking spiritual beings having a human experience and we really need to learn to think for ourselves.  Where did it come from that we look at anything as taboo that goes beyond the “norm” of what society dictates should occur or how things should be?  We tend to look at anything that society tells us as being the golden rule, but where did those so-called rules come from?

Let’s talk about dating for a moment.  If you meet someone and it feels right to both of you, then go for it.  Society tries to dictate what would be considered an “appropriate” length of time to date someone prior to getting married, if marriage is your end goal, or to do this or that.  I’ve heard people say that you should date someone for at least one year before getting engaged, and once engaged, you should stay engaged for at least another year, before getting married.  Ultimately, they are saying that you need at least two years with this person before getting married.  But who told them that? 

Who dictated that two years would be the so called magical, minimum number?  Or even one year or three years?  I know people that were together for many years, getting to know one another, learning about one another, only to get married and get a divorce after a year or two.  I also know people who are the exact opposite.  They dated for only a few weeks or a few months before getting married and have been together for twenty plus years.  They just knew that they found their person when they met, and of course people looked at them like they were crazy, and likely tried to talk them out of it.  I’m sure they heard verbiage such as “Are you serious?”  “That’s crazy!”  “You two just met!” 

Now don’t get me wrong, divorce can happen to anyone regardless of the amount of time that they were together prior to getting married.  That said, I am in no way alleging that just because you have been together for a certain amount of time or have not been, that your chances of divorce are higher or lower.  That would involve studying the psychology of marriage and divorce, as well as researching those numbers, which is beyond my expertise.  It would however be interesting to see such a study, if one does in fact exist, on the question on whether or not how long you date before marriage, dictates your chances of divorce later on. 

Some people, including me, also believe in love at first sight.  Let’s talk about that term for a moment.  Most people will look at a person sideways when they say that it was love at first sight when talking about the man or woman that they are dating, and how they just fell in love with them from the very moment that they met, how they are the one, and so forth.  They may hear things like “Love them?”  “You don’t even know them!”  You try to explain to them that although you just met this person physically, you feel that you have known him or her forever.  And they just give you the side eye like you have lost your mind. 

But I wholeheartedly believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and I believe in souls and reincarnation as well as soul mates.  I believe that you can meet someone and there is something about this person that your spirit recognizes, and their spirit recognizes too.  You may have been together in previous lifetimes.  It may have been many lifetimes between then and this current reincarnation. 

So, while you may not recognize their current physical avatar from the physical human earthly standpoint, your souls connects because that is your soul mate, and your souls recognize one another.  You just reincarnated into a different body in this lifetime, and only you and this person can define your relationship and what is “appropriate” for your relationship. 

How many times have we met people and we just clicked, whether romantic or platonic?  Have you ever met someone and although you may have a physical attraction to their human avatar, i.e., beautiful or handsome face, smooth skin, and so on, once you start talking to them you are drawn in and it feels like you have known them for a lifetime.  You could talk for only ten minutes, and yet it feels like you have been talking for hours on end about everything.  The conversation flows organically, and does not feel forced or fake, and you want to know more and more.  The conversation is not robotic with a barrage of questions as if you are in an interrogation room.  The natural flow of the conversation answers all of your questions. Each sentence simply flows into the next smooth as butter and does not miss a beat. 

I do understand however, family and friends being worried under the guise of them just looking out for us, based on the dictations of society that you don’t really know someone until you have been with them for a specific amount of time, or that you really do not know a person until you have lived with them.  That said, I have no objections to letting someone know where you will be when going out on a date, especially the first date, so that someone you trust knows your whereabouts, and the name of the person you are going with.

Personally, I always drive to a first date, and it would behoove anyone to always drive to your first date, because let’s face it, your intuition could have been off, which is why meditation and going within is so important.  I never allow a date to pick me up, at least not the first few dates.  Good energy aside, I do not allow anyone to pick me up from my home on a first date, because if for whatever reason, you decide to show your ass, I do not want to have to find another way home.  So, I understand all of that and the safety aspect of it.

I also understand when people say that you don’t fully “know” a person and what they mean by that.  Some people feel that you need to see someone in all of their seasons; happy, sad, angry, frustrated, joyful, relaxed, annoyed, and stressed, to see how they express said emotions and handle moments of distress.  And I do believe that you want to see all of this and not just one side, because when or if this other side comes out, you don’t want to be shocked.  But I do not agree with society telling us that we have to do X in our relationship before moving to Y, and then when we get to Y, staying there for a certain amount of time before leveling up to Z.  Where did that even come from?  The government?  Passed down generation to generation? 

How many women (and sometimes men) have also been in relationships where the other person became abusive years later?  They may not have necessarily had any signs that this was going to happen, or to play devil’s advocate, there may have been all the signs in the world, but they chose to ignore those signs.  But the argument could be made that they “knew” one another since they have been together for many years.  Or did they? 

My bottom-line is don’t let society, family, or friends dictate to you what you should or should not do in YOUR relationship, how long you should do something in YOUR relationship, or the proper protocols and so-called rules for YOUR relationship.  We let religion, society and everything outside of ourselves think for us.  If we would just tap into the inner workings of our mind into our own intuition, thereby strengthening it, we would be much better off.  You and your partner make the rules for your relationship.  As long as both of you are satisfied, happy, emotionally and mentally healthy, in agreement, and comfortable with how your relationship is proceeding, that is truly all that matters.  Be the trendsetters in your relationship, even if you two are the only participants in the trend.